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Original thread: https://www.reddit.com/Genealogy/comments/73np57/23andme_is_telling_me_i_have_a_grandpa_ive_neve?utm_content=title&utm_medium=user&utm_source=reddit
I guess it is time for an update. This has been a wild ride.
If you don't want to read I am a sperm donor baby. If you want the story:
So I started contacting all the close relatives whose names I did not recognize. I also found a cousin of my mom, which at least confirmed I am related to her. The other relatives I didn't know weren't related to my mother's cousin at all, so I realized they must be on my dad's side. The relatives were:
S = my "grandfather," actually my uncle, as I would find out. Just relatviely old. H = My half-sister J = My first cousin M = My second cousin
All four were related to each other.
J got back to me first, and was friendly but wasn't really able to help. He confirmed that he was the first cousin of S, but did not know me. Then, H sent me a message. She had no idea who I was, or who any of the other people we were related to were.
A couple hours later she responded again: She had just found out she was a sperm donor baby. Which meant, in all likelihood, I was a sperm donor baby. I kind of just stared at a wall in shock for awhile. There's no other way to describe the feeling than shock. I should say that H technically did not have confirmation, but rather talked to her brother about this and learned that he brother was a sperm donor baby, and had found his papers years ago but never told anybody, and so she assumed that she was one too. Later that night I talked to my mom and she I was a sperm donor baby. And so it was a safe bet that H was too.
Then we exchanged phone numbers and started trying to track down our dad. Unfortunately for both of us we did not have our papers. My mom had not kept mine, and H had not talked to her parents yet. So our only choice was to go through 23andme.
Also unfortunately, S had not responded. H heard from M, who only confirmed that they were all related. 23andme actually displayed S as H's uncle, as she was older, and we thought that it was more likely that he was our grandfather. J, M, and S's names are all incredibly common, so we were unable to find them on Facebook, and although they had profile pictures reverse image search turned up nothing. H had the idea of googling their full names together, along with the related last names listed on their 23andme profile, and found an obituary, of our great grandmother. Through this, we were able to figure out the family tree, and found the name of our father, K. However, his name was also very common. H looked for one of the relatives with a less common name on facebook, and found someone in their friend's list with J's name... who had someone in their friend's list with S's name. At this point, assuming these were our relatives, we couldn't get any farther without talking to S. His friend's list was private, so we needed him to give us some information.
We didn't necessarily expect contact, but we wanted to at least learn about who K was. So H sent S a message on facebook, explaining this. Shortly after, he responded! And he was very confused. But also very open to talking. I sent a message as well, shortly after first contact, and he gave H and I some information about his (our?) heritage, that we were very Irish, war things, etc, and said that he would give our contact information to K, as he thought it best that he give information about himself, himself.
At the same time as us tracking them down, we started wondering if H's brother's donor papers were also ours. The description of the donor's features and heritage, the number of siblings he had, the very unique area of study/profession his brother had, his birthday, and the sperm bank itself, which I checked with my mom on, all lined up with the person we thought was our father. In fact, the date it was issued was actually in the year of H's birth, not her brother's. Her brother is younger. Now, H's brother had already used this website, siblingregistry.com, to track down other donor siblings, and found 9 others. Which was another shocking moment. Because that meant, H and I also had 9 other half-siblings. Which, we expected a lot more, but it is still shocking to see the proof. Just to count them up, so far we have me, H, her brother, and 9 others: 12 of donor kids total. Her brother also sent some pictures, and names, and it is really strange to look at people who are strangers but closely related to you. Especially when there are so many. Because some don't look very similar but some look very clearly like relatives. All of the pictures were, well familiar but strange. One of my half-siblings later described it as finding missing parts of you.
K got back to us and gave us some information about himself, where he lives, what he does, as well as some pictures. Frankly it was a let down, but I think it would be no matter who he was. However, what he did tell us was that he in fact donated to two
sperm banks. And that he had already been contacted, several years ago, by a group of siblings from the other bank. We were actually the first of our bank to contact our father, and so the two banks had never met, until now (I don't know why, but I think a lot from ours just weren't interested). K gave H the email of one of the donor kids from the other bank, and she told us how happy she was that we found her, and that her and her sister had already made contact with 10 other siblings from their bank years ago, but they didn't think they would ever hear from us. They actually had a group on Facebook already, so they added us to it, and H added some people from our bank that we have the contact info for, through her brother. It would be one thing to just have a number and no names, or pictures, but to see pictures and Facebook profiles with information about all these people that share 25% of your DNA, well then that number means something, and it is strange, and you start wondering about all those others out there and who they are one and how much they look like you.
We talked to some of the people from the other bank and learned that apparently there have been 10 other births reported to their bank who have not contacted them. So in total I have, at least, 33 half-siblings. How many more? Apparently, the thing about sperm donation is that there aren't really reliable statistics on the average number of children a sperm donor has. Banks are for-profit, they say they set limits but they aren't legally required to follow them, parents aren't required to report a successful pregnancy or birth, and if they are a heterosexual couple, who everybody would assume naturally conceived unless told otherwise, they don't ever have to tell their kid. Out of our sibling group, to my knowledge, all of them were raised by a single mother or two mothers, except for H, her brother, and me, and of we didn't find out because our parents told us. Yes, maybe they only make up a tiny percentage of the donor recipient population, but any statistics on this rely on self reporting, and I would assume imply a smaller percentage of heterosexual couples than there really are. I think that there is a lot of shame among infertile heterosexual couples, which is why ours didn't tell H or I, and probably many others. Beyond all this, no matter who your parents are, and assuming they haven't destroyed the information you need, it is entirely up to you whether you try to find your siblings and your sperm donor. All this to say, who knows how many siblings I might have?
So, moral of the story (for those with a mom and a dad) I guess, maybe you're
a sperm donor kid and you don't know it. Maybe you're even my half-sibling
and you don't know it. ;)
Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube. This video takes you briefly through the laws of stratigraphy that we'll use in our 8th grade science class, with a few examples. Table of Contents: 00:08 - Relative and Absolute Dating Notes 00 ... Review of relative dating principles for arranging rock layers into their order of formation. Includes information about unconformities, correlation, and fos... This video discusses the three laws of relative dating in geology: superposition, horizontality, and cross-cutting. This feature is not available right now. Please try again later. We walk through a relatively simple relative simple relative dating problem that requires us to use several of our geologic principles.